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I’m With HER: What Marital Commitment Means/Should Mean to a Husband

I was reading an article for leisure recently and it made a very interesting assertion: that men should know that the purpose of marriage is less to make you happy, than to make you holy. It struck me as interesting because as I prepare for my “Happy Husbands” seminars this summer and fall, I’m going to be standing in front of men explaining to them HOW to become happy husbands. Am I going about this all wrong? I asked myself this question and decided to dig a little deeper to see if that is true.

As I think deeper, I think of definitions – what is purpose? How do you define ‘happy’? How do you define ‘holy’? One’s purpose goes so much deeper than the time I have with you in the post, so we will have to expound on it in spurts as we go along and get to know each other later. Yet the purpose of a marriage can be both objective and subjective.

In some faiths, marriage is defined as sacramental or based upon a covenant between two committed persons – a man and a woman. In western society, marriage can also be seen as legal – a contract with clearly defined actions that are taken by both parties. So which one is true? The answer is: they all are. Yet we remain with that central question from above – if the purpose of marriage is less to make you (husband) happy, then what WILL make you happy in the marriage? I believe I have an answer.

Let’s explore two words first: covenant and contract. They both involve one of my favorite words in the English language – commitment. But marital commitment is often misread, misused, misinterpreted and misunderstood. Commitment is a key to success in all phases of life, and especially in a relationship with a woman. In business, a commitment means I will do what I said I will do – I will hold up my end of the bargain or contract. If I don’t, I clearly understand the ramifications of that action, or inaction, and am generally prepared for the consequences that follow.

It’s very ‘legal-feeling’ in business when speaking of commitments and contracts but the relationships understand each other and function accordingly with and without emotion. These relationships are motivated by the desire to get something. You find your reasons to be happy or not.

Yet in a marriage, commitment takes on a different layer – it becomes sacred … sacramental … or more specifically, it becomes a covenant.

Covenants are initiated for the benefit of the other person. Both people in the relationship, husband and wife, make unconditional promises, base these promises on love and view this type of commitment as permanent. So, to us husbands, we have to clearly define the relationship that we have with our wives as commitments in covenants, and treat them as such.

“I’m with HER” should be the phrase all husbands speak instinctively and honestly first and foremost when thinking about how to be happy in marriage. A man needs to know that marriage is not easy, but it is simple. Men like simple things. So simply put – in order to be happy in marriage, seek first to be holy – to understand the covenant you make is not only with your wife whom you professed on wedding day to love unconditionally, but also with the Most High God, whose grace is given on that same day for husbands (and wives) to live in that covenant – to ‘be’ a happy husband and a happy wife.

I believe I answered my question from above and am prepared to go lead more men this summer and fall on how to become Happy Husbands to their happy wives. Thanks for reading and helping me flesh this question out!

Take care of HER, husbands.

For information on connecting with Ellis Hubbard, his “Happy Husbands” seminars and/or a free initial coaching consultation, please email him at

Follow me on Twitter: @happyhubbys

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