Marriage Chronicles: Don’t Wait Till The Water Runs Dry

“…Some people will work things out And some just don't know how to change…

Let's not wait till the water runs dry We might watch our whole lives pass us by Let's not wait till the water runs dry We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives Don't do it, baby…”

This is one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite R&B male groups from the late 80’s early 90’s, Boyz II Men entitled, “Water Runs Dry.” The melody immediately captures your soul as if you were at a symphony. When I first heard the song, I immediately had feelings of “being in love.” As you continue to listen to the song, you’re greeted with the words, “We don’t even talk anymore….” I don’t know about you, but my response was “HEEEY…They tricked me!” Clearly, I was appalled by such an unexpected opening! So much for a love ballad!

If you keep listening to the lyrics it appears the relationship has fallen apart because there has been a lack of communication, diminished physical affection being shown, and no one was expressing a simple “I love you” anymore. The funny thing, both parties in the relationship were clearly in denial, but it was quite evident people could see they were “torn apart!” Whoa! That’s some major denial going on!

Have you ever been in a relationship with a lack of communication, diminished affection, no one expressing love, and you’re both in denial? It is safe to assert that place is more than dried up!

The reason why this is one of my favorite songs is one, because of the melody. Usually, I can listen to some jacked up lyrics but if the melody or beat is right, it has won me over! I know it’s terrible! More importantly, the reason I love the song is because, though it was an unfortunate situation, it’s a common situation we can all learn from to pave the way for a healthier relationship, and in my case healthier marriage.

A mentor of mine told me a while back, “You can always learn from what people AREN’T doing.” How true is this! You don’t have to glean from the perfect lives of others. It’s in our nature to strive for perfection even though we fail miserably! However, the greatest lessons are learned in the trenches. We learn from those disappointing broken relationships, but in this case, we’ll be learning from someone else’s trenches. Want to make sure your water doesn’t run dry in your marriage?

The song really gives us a glimpse of what we CAN DO.

Communicate
Show Your Spouse Affection
Vocally Express Your "I Love You" and Give Words of Affirmation
Be Honest in Where you Are in Your Relationship

Sounds simple right? Easier said than done, believe me! Communication can take years to develop. Expressing affection to one another sounds easy, but throw in work, children, and additional activities. Giving words of affirmation is easy if it’s in you to give, but what about to the spouse who was never taught the value of affirming the other? Lastly, what if you’ve tried to be honest with your spouse but they respond in a manner that doesn’t make you feel very safe? Would you feel you could be honest with them the next go round? It’s a lot to think about to keep your relationship saturated right?

Let me tell you something, marriage is a mixture of amazement, grace, unconditional love, and work. The effort you output to be successful on your job or in your business requires just as much effort or even more to maintain a successful marriage.

You have to get a real good understanding of what marriage is besides having guilt free sex. C’mon my Christian peeps! :) You have to learn how to communicate with one another. You have to discover how can you be vulnerable to one another. How can you make your partner feel safe and secure? Discover their love language. Find out how you are tearing them down or building them up. You also have to ask, if you can go to your spouse and share what really bothers you. Of course the obligatory, how can you both grow spiritually?

Brian and I have decided that divorce will never be an option. We have been in the "Bruce Trenches" to learn how to effectively communicate, show each other affection, affirm one another, and foster a home where we can always be honest with one another. We’re going on six years total next year with four years of marriage under our belt. Again, we have not mastered any of these but we are open to learning as we both grow as individuals.

There were times we both felt the water supply getting scarce in our marriage, but I can assure you it has NEVER ran dry and we pray to God through His loving grace we will ALWAYS do what is necessary to make sure the water supply is ever present.

See the first picture above? That’s a stack of cards with the sweetest and funniest notes. My husband sends me those written sentiments along with some beautiful flowers around the first of EVERY single month. There has not been a month that has passed when He doesn’t do it. He started doing this about 2 years ago. He asks me if I get tired of them. Um, is he crazy?! Heck no! If I forget, I am always greeted with this consistent surprise! If I can remember they are coming because it's around the first, my anticipation and excitement increases just like our little Kori getting ready to eat some M&Ms! Lol I can’t wait to receive them, to smell the fresh scent of that month’s rose and read his sentiments. It puts a smile on my face now just thinking about it. :) However, the smell of those flowers is only as sweet as the amounts of effort we have put towards are marriage.

Trust me when I say, we don't want to make the "biggest mistake of our lives" by not caring for the amount of "water supply" in our marriage.

One of the main parts in the lyrics of the song is “…some people work things out and some just don’t know how to change…” Which person will you choose to be in your marriage? Whatever you choose will determine your water supply.

Dr. Estrelita Bruce, Founder of A NEW ME: Transparently, Abundantly