"CONCRETE GARDEN"

We’ve all been hurt whether it was at the hand of a man, a mother, a sister, a friend, or another. Processing through our pain can be challenging. I wrote this poem some years ago about one instance where I had to face a hurt I experienced. As I wrote it, I realized there were many instances behind the pain I’d experienced, and I read this frequently to remind me how I should respond to being hurt by someone. I pray this ministers to you.

How do you work through something that has become as hard as concrete?

I’ve just been laying down all of these feelings that keep coming back to me.

We’re making tracks

through my heart’s garden,

dropping these feelings that are really just wet cement.

The longer I walk the more my chest feels like a ton of bricks.

He told me the pulse that once pounded for me died.

So… I told myself it was time to let go, let the feelings subside,

but his memory wouldn’t stop invading my mind.

I thought that I had found love, but it was really a lie?

I really thought I’d let go the day I told him we’d probably never talk again,

but it keeps re-opening, pouring salt into a wound that still needs to mend.

I thought I gained more of a sense of myself from his sentiment.

I thought he gave me a clearer picture of the treatment I warrant.

I ultimately found out that I was simply a temporary interest,

a “nice” distraction until he found what he thought suited him best.

And, now, I’m trying to figure out how to move on, how to feel what is beneath this pavement inside…

…pavement I’ve lined my heart with

…pavement that was once wet cement,

but hardened and apathetically guards my garden within.

This is affecting my whole world because I can’t let go of what he did to me.

I blame myself for letting him in so foolishly,

And I fear that every man I meet will have to pay for the way he lied and abandoned me.

How do I break through to the parts of me that are covered in concrete?

I know it’s the only way I can live again.

I’m realizing through this, without forgiveness, I can’t.

I don’t have the strength to hold on to the pain he gave me,

and grasp the Hand of the One who is seeking to save me.

I’m labeling his offence for what it was. I’m placing the proper blame.

I’m choosing to let go and forgive him for causing me so much pain.

Now, I’m free to feel comfort with the freedom to let my Master in,

…resting in His hand.

He’s slowly turning this concrete into sand

Blowing it off into never-never land

…never to cause me the pain it has, ever again

…never to take control of me, never again

His tears over me have been healing

And, with Jesus, I am going to keep mending…

I emptied my hands, freeing this garden to be solely under His defending.

-Adrienne Pluss, A NEW ME Blog Contributor

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