"I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return]."
I believed the verbal lies which were uttered to me showed up in my actions, decisions, and thinking. Insecurities had me questioning everything about myself. I lived my life to please everyone else for the desire to be loved. I felt if I gave them what they needed, they would accept me and love me; however for many years I was left empty. Here was the place where I experienced feelings of not being good enough, suffered from low self-esteem and had no sense of worth. I did not have control over my life nor my decisions. I just wanted everyone else to be happy.
I kept questioning mysely, “Why can't I fit in?" “What’s wrong with me?” ” What did I do?” ”Why is this always happening to me?” I did everything in my power to make others happy; I gave so much of myself until there was nothing left for me. My insecurities gave me permission to accept an inheritance that was never mine.
The nonexistence of self-love left me in a state of depression and low self-esteem. My external appearance mirrored my internal condition. I often isolated myself from a social life and my family. I didn’t have the desire to go out or hang with friends because it forced me to put on my mask which communicated, “Oh, I am happy and everything is okay with me!” I desired to be alone where all I had to face was my secret truth; I was living an unhappy life searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong places. I was empty and lost.
There comes in time in life where you have to evaluate where you are and realize that it’s all a result of the decisions you’ve made and you must let it all go. At this point in my life I decided to take the walk to freedom, peace, self-love, gratitude, forgiveness and confidence. I searched within, which guided me to my relationship with my father. I knew then it was time to Let GO and Let GOD.
I struggled with being so transparent with my Dad. With anticipation and heavy fingers, I reluctantly picked up the phone and called him. I spoke with a trembling voice as my father interjected and immediately said, “Baby, what’s wrong, are you okay?” I don’t know what it was when he called me baby, but it gave me the courage to speak. I said “Daddy, I want to talk to you about some things that have bothered me for years and I don’t want to hold on to it anymore.” My father listened to me intensely in silence.
I told my father how I felt as a child and how my lack of a relationship with him affected my life's decisions. Not once did my father interrupt me, he just listened and allowed me talk. The last words I spoke was, “Daddy, I needed you, I need you and I want us to be closer and spend more time together." My father responded “Baby, I would love that! I love you and I always have loved you….I was there as much as you allowed me to be there….I love you!” I cannot begin to explain how I felt. From that moment I felt like a “daddy’s girl.”
In less than a year after our conversation, my father passed away from cancer. I am grateful for what we shared because that moment was critical to me embracing A NEW ME: Transparently, Abundantly, when I learned to Let GO and Let GOD.
Dr E: Why did you want to share in our mission as a A NEW ME Guest Blogger?
Atenya: A NEW ME: Transparently Abundantly embraces women who want to be free from their past and pain. Here is where you can unmask without judgment and shame. I am not perfect, neither do I have all the answers, but I am a women who suffered from insecurities and low self-esteem. I am a women who faced domestic abuse and verbal abuse. I am a women who didn't have a relationship with her father. I am a women who just seem to never be able to fit in. I am a women who denied herself to be accepted and loved by others. I am a women who gave so much of herself until there was nothing left.
What I've found is often times women are afraid to connect to the unknown in fear of being rejected. I know, because that was me. I had to understand there was nothing wrong with embracing humility. It’s the journey which includes all the pain, hurt, fears, frustrations, anger, deceptions and loneliness that made us who we are and who we are becoming. It’s when we forgive others and ourselves where we can share our story with confidence and boldness with no worries of what others think, in an effort to help someone else. No one could have ever told me all I went through in my life was for someone else; that all the tears shed would be for people I haven’t even met. There is life after the storm.
For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.
Thank you Atenya for providing us with your amazing blog contribution to encourage us how to "Let GO and Let GOD" and embrace "A NEW ME: Transparently, Abundantly" in Christ!
If you would like be a Guest Blog Contributor this is how you can JOIN THE TEAM or do you have a story (testimony) you would like to share? Then you can join the #NEWMECAMPAIGN. We look forward to hearing from you and would be delighted to feature your blog contribution or story to bless others!
Get ready to embrace “A NEW ME: Transparently, Abundantly.”
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